12 Lessons About Moving Away From Family

After moving away from family four times now, I’ve learned a few things about what to expect and how to deal with this big life-change.

In talking with friends and family, I’ve heard a lot of “I’d love to live somewhere else or move away, but I can’t leave my family.” It’s not an easy decision by any means, but sometimes necessary for job purposes or needed lifestyle changes.

Today, I’m sharing with you twelve things I’ve learned from moving away from family. My story will take you all over the country as I share the four big moves I’ve made over the years and lessons I’ve learned from each one.

12 Lessons About Moving Away From Family

Move 1: 6 Years Old + 3,000 Miles + A Family Adventure

At the young age of 6-years-old, with my 4-year-old sister by my side, my parents packed up the motor home to leave behind our home and family in New York. They’d decided they wanted to raise us in a better place and we spent the next 3 months zig-zagging across the country to land in our new home of Bend, Oregon.

The first few years took adjustment as we created our new life. We travelled back to New York to visit family every year for the holidays and kept in touch via phone calls. This became our new normal as we created a life we loved in Oregon.

Lesson 1: You make new friends wherever you go.

At that age, I was incredibly shy. I thought it would be a challenge to make new friends and start at a new school. I’d gone to a Catholic school in New York since we weren’t in a great school district. In Bend, I went to public school and found it much more approachable (plus, I no longer went to school in a basement – yes, kindergarten classes were held in the basement!). I made friends quickly and enjoyed our new life in Oregon.

Lesson 2: Sometimes you like a new place better than the old place.

Once we’d made it to Bend, we lived out of our motor home in a local KOA campground for 6 months. Meanwhile, my parents searched for our new home. They found a wonderful place out in the country on 5 acres of land overlooking the mountains. SOLD. Unlike New York, in Bend we had space to run around and play. My sister and I loved it! It felt like the whole town was our playground. We had everything within reach: mountains, rivers, lakes, you name it! Clean parks, fewer people, no traffic. Life was easy and carefree (of course, I was also 6-years-old).

Lesson 3: Sometimes family follows you.

After moving away from family and living in Bend for a few years, some of our family followed our move. All of a sudden, my aunt, cousins, and grandmas lived nearby again and we could celebrate birthdays and holidays together. Our trips back to New York became less frequent as our closest family now lived nearby once again.

 

Move 2: 19 Years Old + 3.5 Hours + A Mountain Range

My second time moving away from family was during college, when I moved from Bend, Oregon to Vancouver, Washington (just over the border of Portland, OR). Although only 3.5 hours away from my family in Bend, this was a huge change and I struggled at first. Not only had I moved out of my parents house for the first time, but I’d gone alone. Nevertheless, I adjusted and created a life in Portland that I loved just as much as my life in Bend.

Lesson 4: The first year is the hardest.

Vancouver, although beautiful, was very different from Bend. The dreary winters proved hard to handle (I’m talking 6+ months of rain and very little sunshine). I won’t lie, that first winter was rough and nearly depressing as I craved the sunshine I’d grown used to in “Sunny Central Oregon.” I desperately missed spending time with my family and found it difficult not seeing them every week.

However, after that first year, things started to get better. I started to appreciate the weather and found beauty in it. Plus, I became much better at planning regular trips to visit home. I fell in love with Portland, the greenery, the city, and I made new friends.

Lesson 5: Video chat makes it easier.

Unlike when my parents moved in 1997, we now had a wonderful thing called video chat. This makes a significant difference in feeling close to your family, even from far away. We started chatting on Skype a few times a month, and always on holidays and birthdays if I couldn’t make the trip home. It felt almost like I was there hanging out together, talking over dinner, singing “Happy Birthday.” It felt so normal, and made living far away much easier. Thank you, technology!

 

Move 3: 24 Years Old + 1,000 Miles + Flights Required

My third move took me to a little town in Southern California called Glendora. I’d fallen in love with my now husband, Kenton. The week after graduating with my Bachelor’s degree, we packed up my car and drove down to my new home. Although I’d like to think I handled this move a little more smoothly than my previous move, it presented a whole different realm of challenges.

Lesson 6: Family time is family time, whether it’s your family or someone else’s.

After moving away from my family and missing some of the regular holiday gatherings, all of a sudden, I had that again with Kenton’s family. It made adjusting a bit easier, especially since visiting my family was no longer a simple drive, but required booking expensive flights. Enjoying family celebrations with Kenton and his family made it feel a little more like home.

Lesson 7: A great place to visit doesn’t equal a great place to live.

I’d always loved visiting California. Swimmable beaches, predictably nice weather, tons to do. However, after moving there, all the great things about visiting became much less alluring. After growing up in the Pacific Northwest, I felt almost claustrophobic in LA County. I’d grown accustomed to fresh air, blue skies, and greenery. Oregon offered peaceful surroundings and a slower pace of life versus the constant buzz of LA. I struggled to fully relax, hated the traffic and the heat, and felt like my life had gone from color to gray (or more like brown…#smog).

To be fair, I did adjust and find things I enjoyed. However, it never felt like a place I wanted to stay or come home to. But, guess what? Now that I’ve moved away, I still love to visit! Funny how that works…

Lesson 8: Even if you don’t love a place, you’ll still miss it.

In the case of LA, when we left, I missed having the foothills in my backyard. Great trails and fun driving roads, something that took a little more searching after my next, and hopefully final, move. I also missed being close to any family and not having to fly to see them. Which brings us to my most recent move…

Move 4: 26 Years Old + 3,000 Miles + 5 Hour Flights + 2 Places to Visit

A month after getting married, my husband and I moved across the country, from California to Huntersville, North Carolina (just outside Charlotte, NC). By this point, I had a good idea of what to expect our first year. However, this time everything was different. Even though we’d moved away from all family and now had two places to visit, our new destination felt like home almost immediately.

Lesson 9: Moving together is much easier than moving alone.

This partially accounts for why that first move with my family was easier than the next two when I moved on my own. Even when I moved to Glendora and could see Kenton every day, I was the only one experiencing the tension of the move. However, when you move with someone else, you experience many of the same feelings and can support each other through the transition. You also have a buddy to explore all the new places and create a new life together. This makes a big move so much easier than going it alone!

Lesson 10: You don’t always dislike the first year in a new place.

After living in SoCal for 3 years, my heart jumped with joy when my husband said we should move. Not that I wanted to leave family behind, but, I missed all the things I’d grown up with in Oregon. Space, trees, fresh air, clean trails, lakes and rivers. The Charlotte area felt like home almost as soon as we arrived. Parts of it remind me of the Pacific Northwest, plus, the people are incredibly friendly and welcoming. It’s a breath of fresh air, literally, compared to SoCal, and a much-welcomed change of pace.

Lesson 11: Visiting family in two locations is challenging.

We now have immediate family living in Oregon and California. This may be the most difficult part of moving away from family. All of a sudden planning for holidays and trying to see everyone can easily result in stress. We always try to fit in additional trips when we can, but now that requires choosing which family to visit. As you can imagine, this added even more travel into our schedule (and part of the reason I found it necessary to create a killer travel routine).

Our saving grace in all of this, yet again, is technology. We try to stay in touch regularly, whether by text, social media, good ole’ phone calls, or our favorite, video chats! It makes it so much easier to feel connected even from thousands of miles away. For holidays, we stick to an alternating schedule, visiting one family for Thanksgiving and one for Christmas each year. Then, we flip flop the following year. It makes it easy, so there’s no arguing about who to visit.

Oddly enough, just a few months after we moved, we both had cousins move to the Charlotte area as well! Funny, how life brings us all together again.

Lesson 12: Where you live really does affect the quality of your life.

After living in drastically different places, I can say without a doubt that where you live largely impacts your quality of life. From proximity to family, to pace of life, to the scenery, cost of living, etc., there are a ton of factors that impact how you live and enjoy life.

Before deciding to move anywhere, I recommend not just visiting, but asking the people who live there what they like and dislike. That’s how we decided on Charlotte – no one had a bad thing to say! After living here for a year now, we see why. It’s a great place and we love our lifestyle here.

 

Sometimes moving away from family is necessary. Regardless of the reason, moving is never easy, especially when leaving family and friends behind. I hope my story will help you make a decision to move or stay, but I couldn’t recommend one over the other. Life is so different for every one of us. I just hope my story and the lessons I’ve learned help you in some way.

Have you moved away from family, or considered moving away? Why did you decide for or against it? I’d love to hear your story!